The Matrix Spoof
by krunchbucket
Summary: Umm.. My first fic, well uh, hope you enjoy it please R&R!


Matrix Spoof   
By: Gamefreak69e  
  
* Just a note all the characters, locations, events etc are owned by either Warner Brothers, New Line Productions, Paramount Pictures and Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer Studios. So please don't SUE!!!  
  
Da, du, dum, du, du_. (Intro theme to Matrix)  
  
"My name is Neo and welcome to umm, The Matrix!" Says Neo to the camera. He then walks away and the screen fades to black and a bunch of rows of random numbers and letters appear. Anyway Neo is about to embark on a mission to save Morpheus who has been captured by the Agents, antagonists of this story, but to accomplish this mission this neo is going to need the help of his friends.  
  
First on the list is Tank, then Cypher (Note* In this spoof Cypher isn't the "Benedict Arnold" of this movie so if you wanted him dead well then tough luck!). Then you got Trinity, and then Mouse Jr., the son of Mouse Senior and the woman in the red dress if you catch my drift wink, wink. Then Dozer and that's all. (Note* Apoc and that Switch aren't in this spoof because they didn't even have a lot of lines and by this time in the Movie they are already dead.)  
  
" Okay people lets get ready!" says Neo, " First wessa going to need guns and plenty of them, so Tank hit me with all you got!" yells Neo into the White room they are all standing in. 3 seconds later a small dog comes barking into the scene dragging a 9mm pistol with a string tied around his neck. " Yip, Yip", barks the dog wagging his tail back and forth. " What w, w, were are the REST!!!?" yells Neo. "Sorry Neo but this is a low budget spoof ya know." answers Tank. "Well so much for the hundreds of rows of guns (sigh)...  
  
So five minutes later in the Matrix world the gang stops by guns-o-cheap downtown and they get a whole lot of guns. Tank couldn't come cause he's in the REAL world doing his stuff, ya know. Anyway, Dozer picks up a Grenade Launcher, Trinity gets a rifle, Mouse Jr. a hand held laser, Cypher gets two Colt Pythons and Neo, forgetting to get his guns, buys a stick of gum and some Soda. " Lets a-get-a this stinking party going eh!" says neo in his fake Mafia high-pitched voice. Every one just rolls their eyes at him and Dozer smacks him in the back of the head.  
  
On the way into the Agents secret headquarters Trinity is passing trough the metal detector when one of the security guards takes a peek behind his newspaper to check her can out. Big Mistake!! Neo thinks. Just as Trinity's face boils she punches one of the guards sending him flying into the wall killing him instantly! All hell breaks loose as Trinity blasts, shoots and punches every guard into the room killing them all! " Well so much for this" says Neo taking out a Detonator and throwing over his shoulder and out the window and hears someone say, "What the-BOOM!!!"   
  
Then everybody takes the Elevator to the highest floor while humming and whistling to the elevator music. When the elevator door opens they see Morpheus chained to a small chair and the Agents are standing behind him. " Hey look you guys its Tom Cruise from MI2, and James Bond from the 007 movies! And oh, oh its Austin Powers!" says Neo. "Yes, yes we were the ones who kidnapped Morpheus! And ya want to know why? Well ill tell you why! You see Morpheus knows the secret to the location of Atlantis once we have it we will take over that place and rule it with an Iron Fist!!! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!" yells James Bond!  
  
" Oh yeah! Well try this!" yells Trinity and takes out her rifle and shoots Tom Cruise right between the eyes killing him instantly!! " And he was so cute too (sigh).." says Cypher. Everyone turns to face him with confused looks on their faces. " Umm.. You see I have a confession to make umm... BYE!!" and Cypher jumps out a window to meet his fate! Then everything returns to back to how it was, normal. So Anyway, Dozer shoots a grenade at Austin Powers and kills him but unfortunately Morpheus was killed by the blast too.  
  
" Well so much for the point of this mission." says Neo. " Don't worry I'll kill Bond!" yells Mouse Jr. he then shoots a laser at bond but misses and hit's a mirror. Then it ricochets of the Mirror and hits Mouse Jr. squarely in the forehead leaving a searing hole and killing him. "Ha, ha, ha, ha You cant ever get me!" laughs Bond, and in Matrix motion he grabs a skateboard, jumps out a window does a triple axle 540, then a 360 triple front flip and lands on the roof of the next building roof with his arms stretched out.  
  
Then he looks at the camera and says " Pretty cool huh?" An audience cheer rings out and roses are thrown to him and Bond catches one between his teeth and bows to the crowd. "Showoff!.." snickers Neo well I can do better!" so he runs and jumps out the window, but accidentally gets his foot tangled in a rope and gets swung across to the roof of the next building's concrete base head first!! SLAM!! He looks up, face covered in blood and concrete and says ", Ugghh.. That hurt." then Neo climbs up to the roof and stands up and says, " Okay Bond where were we?"   
Bond, for the past 8 minutes had been sitting on a couch drinking tea and reading the newspaper. "Well Neo lets just skip the subway and hallway scene and have the fight here okay, cause I have an appointment with my Dentist in Forty-five minutes." says Bond. "Fine by me!" says our disoriented Neo. Then in a flash Bond takes out his PPK pistol and fires at Neo! Oh yes now the famous bullet dodging scene occurs and Neo dodges them with ease, well except for the ones that hit his leg and shoulder.  
After that a long thirty minute fighting scene with kicking and punching and what have you Bond Forfeit the fight. " Well I have no other choice but to forfeit, besides my dentist will be mad if I'm late so bye!" and then Bond jumps off the building and you could hear his fading voice " YOU WERE GOING TO WIN anyway!!!!" (SPLAT!!!) " Tisk, tisk, tisk, tisk to bad he couldn't fly!" says Neo.  
  
  
  
1 Month later_.  
  
So now Trinity and Neo are married but before the marriage Trinity was pregnant hmmm_ So now Trinity and Neo are just sitting on a park bench by the pond feeding some ducks. " Say Neo I have something to confess, umm.. Remember when you and Bond were fighting and me and Dozer were still in the building?" Says Trinity. "Yeah I remember why?" responds Neo. " Well me and Dozer were bored and then we got a little friendly.". Neo stood there for a minute trying to figure out what she meant then Eureka he got it! " You mean to tell me I'm not the one who knocked you up?" asked Neo in an angry voice. " Nuh, uh.." answered Trinity with her head down. Neo looks up at the sky with his hands on his hair "NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!".  
  
-Fin- 


End file.
